Small changes in the way we use language help foster a culture where the understanding of gender as a spectrum is normalized and where our trans and nonbinary children feel comfortable being themselves. When we speak to our students about gender, we might say, “if you are a boy, or you understand yourself to be a boy,” opening up the possibility for them that their gender expression might not match their sex assigned at birth. We understand God not as embodying one gender, but as beyond gender or as partaking in the infinite spectrum of gender. Standing with the trans community also comes in the way we educate our children.įrom a young age in our Torah School, we speak about transcending the gender binary in our prayer language. This symbolic act conveys to our people that we publicly and affirmatively stand with them and that our spiritual home is their spiritual home where they can be their full and true selves. Our synagogue, Temple Emanu-El of San Diego, takes immense pride in our history of being the first Jewish organization to march in the San Diego Pride Parade. Creating a community that lives out these values involves actions both big and small. Truly there is nothing more spiritually fulfilling, nothing more life-affirming than this kind of embrace of the self. This kind of joy is the power of self-actualization, the dispelling of shame and the ability to become the best versions of ourselves. Of allowing the world to see you for exactly who you are, to bear witness to you, and to embrace you. The joy we see in this community is the joy of discovering and embodying the fullness of yourself. When I think of what I have learned from the trans and nonbinary community, I think the lesson that sticks with me the most is the power of joy. Joy not only uplifts us, but it is perhaps the most significant way that we can connect ourselves to the divine. We Jews do our best to foster joy in our hearts, from the numerous holidays we celebrate, to the way we dance with abandon at weddings, to the way we infuse all our observances with music and song. The other value I hearken to is the value of joy. And therefore, all individuals are deserving of dignity and respect, which includes the embrace of who they understand themselves to be. We learn from this that every person has a spark of the divine within them, and that the rainbow of diversity we see in the very personhood of individuals - gay, straight, cisgender, transgender, nonbinary and everything in between - is simply another manifestation of the infinite glory of the Eternal. The first is the supreme meta-value we learn from Torah, b’tzelem Elohim, that when God created humanity on the sixth day of creation, that God created them in the image of God. In my Jewish community, there are a number of values that I hearken to. Fried is a rabbi at Temple Emanu-El of San Diego and lives in San Diego.Īs states across the country, supported by religious institutions, enact laws restricting gender-affirming care or even seek to erase the presence of transgender people from public life and discourse, I ponder what are the values that religious people actually aspire toward.
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